I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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