why didn't you poke me back
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
