i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drake has all the answers
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
