Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
