WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
