Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
