I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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