i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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