my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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