I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
