I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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