Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
