I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
