Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
