Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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