Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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