There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
