I'm pants shitting drunk right now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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