Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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