I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
