So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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