I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
