how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have aggressive nipples.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
