So drunk, too bad you don't want this
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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