Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
