I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
