So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
