She's JV to your varsity
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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