yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
