Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
