You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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