Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
