Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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