I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
