Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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