I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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