Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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