I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
