took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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