so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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