Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
