I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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