You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
