If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
