they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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