I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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