Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
