That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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