His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
