Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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